abandonment and the redemptive gifts

by lois

this was taken from the Sapphire Leadership Group Newsletter. i thought there was some food for thought here as we study the gifts.

there will be a seminar on October 1st called, 'Healing from Abandonment Practicum,' exploring how to heal from abandonment.

each of these categories will be discussed, exploring a cluster of other forms of abandonment for each gift, then there will be personal ministry to those in the audience who recognize those wounds in their lives. (how good is that!)

Our current hypothesis about abandonment indicates that it lands more deeply in the spirit than the soul. Abandonment can happen in the womb, but life has a way of dishing out abandonment blows all through our journey.

The model used follows the redemptive gifts. Each gift is wounded the most deeply by one kind of abandonment and develops a compensation for that wound. Here is an overview of one of the faces of abandonment for each gift.

Any person can suffer any of the different kinds, and there is a range of wounds around each of these. This is just a jumping off point for developing healing modalities.

THE PROPHET: feels abandonment the most keenly when he has partnered in a grand vision based on principles and passion, and the other party left the partnership and vision when the pain got too high for him.

The compensation is that going forward, the Prophet will become highly skilled but very independent, avoiding partnerships out of the conviction that he may be left holding the bag again.

THE SERVANT: the greatest fulfillment for a servant, comes from investing in a visionary he believes in, helping him against all odds to make it to the top. When the visionary breaks through the barriers and has a grand new world before him, then abandons the Servant, the wound is deep.

The Servant will often translate that abandonment into a statement that their essence is inadequate for anything great, so the Servant will avoid offering themselves to people with potential, instead defaulting to a series of codependent relationships with small people.

THE TEACHER: For the teacher, the core commitment is to ideological truth. When they are abandoned over their inability to execute well or lead adequately, the blow is acute, and is usually a surprise.

Often when a Teacher's ability to function in community is challenged, they will retreat from community for a season in order to acquire more credentials in some area, believing that the right credentials will naturally lead to having followers.

THE EXHORTER: It seems the exhorter has the widest target for abandonment. They expect to be loved all the time simply because they should be. When there is a breach of relationship over the Exhorter's non-reality in some area of behavior, they translate that into a rejection of their essence.

The compensation often involves creating loyalty "tests" for those around him, to reassure himself, over and over, that people still like him and are committed to him or his dream.

THE GIVER: The abandonment is the deepest when a family member decides he does not want to be part of the family and will repudiate all resources provided by the family, in order to distance himself from them.

One of the most common compensations is for the Giver to offer a wider series of inducements for the family member to come back. Their belief is that the right gift will restore relationship, because they cannot accept that THEY have been rejected.

THE RULER: This gift's "red line" of abandonment is crossed when someone over him makes him the scapegoat for their mistake or bad judgment.

Often the Ruler will repudiate the number two role and position himself as the top player in any project as insurance against being asked to fall on his sword for a superior.

THE MERCY: It seems the gift of mercy has their own construct of what is valuable, but they expect the person they have appointed as their protector to protect that specific facet of their lives. When the protector doesn't intuit that he has been assigned that role, or simply is inactive when the Mercy feels threatened there, it is translated as abandonment by the Mercy.

Many times the Mercy will retreat to a single relationship which analyses the world from the safety of passivity, but does not engage in changing it.

your thoughts?

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Sep 04, 2016
Finding our RG gift from a different angle
by: Sharon

Years ago, my husband and myself were looking at what our Love language was....And it was not until we saw the negative side of how we feel concerning the love languages did we come to realise what my husband love language was.

So I it is good to have here, how we can feel abandoned because of our RG gifting.

Another tool to help us pin point our RG gifting.

Thanks Lois

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