Which am I? Let the detective work begin...

by Denise

So, just how open and vulnerable to be is an ever present question. I think I can claim the "full disclosure" trait but my woundedness would still say "not safe"... However, the fact that I'm posting on this study is self-proof that I've come a long way in ignoring that fear, especially when I'm typing. So here goes a few of my thoughts.
I find it hard to decipher this list through my woundedness. The whole thing of who I think I am, who others think I am (and that depends on what roll they interacted with me in – leader, servant, worshiper, teacher, student etc), who I currently am... or who I would be if...
Better yet, who am I becoming?
Each lens colors me so differently that I can't be sure. So I went through the above list as I listened to the teaching (Thanks Lois for all the awesome notes!). There are some of these that are on point that I can say an immediate yes to. Some that I am drawn to but have reservations. There is a possibility that I've been trained to suppress traits (like verbal expressive/loud is unacceptable in a servant/giver home, things like being bold or assertive has the feeling of punishment attached at some level) And a few of them I really have no clue about.
I know I am dealing with different levels of fear - so the fearless trait is not there, well, is it not there or just really broken?
Fear of even agreeing I’m any one gifting has some type of condemnation attached. It’s weird but it’s like no matter which I believe I am, I’ll be wrong.
But then things like generosity, the hard on myself/self unforgiveness, dealing with bitterness, judging, problem figuring out and fixing, drawn to brokenness, etc – the question for me is “are they a RG trait or present due to brokenness”?
Was I taught to react that way or was I born to react that way? I'm looking forward to going through each teaching and seeing what lands and what doesn't. I'm enjoying the unpacking of the 7's again. When I finally figure me out, going back to “the one” and re-listening and further unpacking will be priceless.
BTW – When I was first exposed to the RGs, I was taught that people have a primary/high RG but their second or third highest also influenced them. Like a prophet with a secondary RG of servant would be totally different than a Prophet with a secondary gift of teacher. - and that is what accounts for differences in people.
I am understanding now that Arthur teaches having just one. I'm chewing on that.

Comments for Which am I? Let the detective work begin...

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Aug 06, 2016
thank you
by: Sharon

Thank you to you Denise for sharing, it is great hearing about how others are going on the same journey. Also too Lois for the suggestion of developing your spirit. I am going to take that on board too.

Aug 02, 2016
Thank you
by: Denise

Thank you for your encouraging response. I really appreciate it.

I recall the teaching you mentioned, I had listened to it a few months ago (the whole thing in one day as I was traveling). I desired to go back and listen to one a day but have neglected in doing so (truth- totally forgot about it by the time I got home). Thanks for suggesting that, I'll add that to my projects.

I think some portions of my spirit have attitude problems - definitely not an orchestra yet... so thankful for Holy Spirit's help with it :-)

And yes, I do feel so far behind that it's overwhelming... and my process feels endless though I know God has it all under control.

I love the nurturing your spirit audio, I also have it on an MP3 player and it plays in my house around the clock. Figure my spirit can listen whenever it wants/needs to even if my soul/body is doing other stuff.

I need to re-program my thoughts on some of the gifts, especially mercy (which I was told I was a few years ago) because the attributes I was repeatedly told that were associated with it I saw as ALL negative, making me feel like a horrible person, hopeless of being any different.
I'm sure the person meant well, and was probably saying them as "an excuse for behavior"? But in my highly unstable state, my behavior then did not reflect who I really was. So I rejected it hard because of things repeated like "mercies are always late, not reliable or dependable, make poor grades, can't make decisions, easily wounded, repeatedly wounded, allow sin, fall into sexual sin easily, promiscuous, enabling, compassionate to the point of covering sin ... And really mushy " -

ALL of which are not true of who I see myself as (except the being wounded part and most of that wasn't a choice from my design)...
So, if I end up as a mercy, there is a lot of healing needed of my perspective from those thing.

Oh, and I don't see other mercys as "bad", love and appreciate them ... somehow those attributes are only attached to me, if I'm a mercy, not to other people.

There are things attached to prophet and ruler too, that's why it's safer for me to claim giver even though it's less likely I am one. I trust God help me sort it all out.
So the journey continues.

I want to thank you again for the notes, I know that took hours of your time. Thank you for that labor of love for us.

When you're done with this study, you could sell them as supplemental materials to Arthur's teaching. I'd buy it! Having it written out like that is priceless for those of us who really aren't audio learners. Thank you!

Blessing on your day!

Aug 02, 2016
detective work...
by: lois

separating out design from woundedness and cultural expectations takes time and work. and i am very proud of you for stepping up and out like this. i really am!

in this whole process, the thing that i like to keep in mind is that God knows how he designed us (he was there first) and will partner with us as we unpack our design.

because the data is imbedded in our spirit, i have used many of nurturing/developing your spirit tools to help unpack that.

in the free stuff on Arthur's site, 'developing your spirit' is a free audio download. i would highly recommend this teaching (emphasis on the highly). you listen to one blessing a day. using the seven redemptive gifts, he calls a different portion of your spirit to the front and pulls out something about each gift. as you listen to each one, you just take note of which one lands. a kind of, 'this is me' kind of response. keep a record and it is amazing the things that bubble up from your spirit not your soul. (i will put the link in the added bonuses on RGI CD1 page)

these are some of the tools i used initially and keep going back to.

it can be very daunting initially. you ask some very good yet very hard questions. i will encourage you as i do myself, to enjoy the process of unpacking. (there was a time that i felt so far behind everyone else and wanted desperately to 'catch up'. now i see the value of the process as i watch my intimacy grow with God.

i had a conversation with a friend who finally realized after half her life spent working with children that it was not her design but desire to 'keep kids safe' that was kicking in. as she began to put language to that she was then able to begin putting one toe in here and there to test other waters.

hope this helps and look forward to more dialogue.

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