Which am I? Let the detective work begin...
So, just how open and vulnerable to be is an ever present question. I think I can claim the "full disclosure" trait but my woundedness would still say "not safe"... However, the fact that I'm posting on this study is self-proof that I've come a long way in ignoring that fear, especially when I'm typing. So here goes a few of my thoughts.
I find it hard to decipher this list through my woundedness. The whole thing of who I think I am, who others think I am (and that depends on what roll they interacted with me in – leader, servant, worshiper, teacher, student etc), who I currently am... or who I would be if...
Better yet, who am I becoming?
Each lens colors me so differently that I can't be sure. So I went through the above list as I listened to the teaching (Thanks Lois for all the awesome notes!). There are some of these that are on point that I can say an immediate yes to. Some that I am drawn to but have reservations. There is a possibility that I've been trained to suppress traits (like verbal expressive/loud is unacceptable in a servant/giver home, things like being bold or assertive has the feeling of punishment attached at some level) And a few of them I really have no clue about.
I know I am dealing with different levels of fear - so the fearless trait is not there, well, is it not there or just really broken?
Fear of even agreeing I’m any one gifting has some type of condemnation attached. It’s weird but it’s like no matter which I believe I am, I’ll be wrong.
But then things like generosity, the hard on myself/self unforgiveness, dealing with bitterness, judging, problem figuring out and fixing, drawn to brokenness, etc – the question for me is “are they a RG trait or present due to brokenness”?
Was I taught to react that way or was I born to react that way? I'm looking forward to going through each teaching and seeing what lands and what doesn't. I'm enjoying the unpacking of the 7's again. When I finally figure me out, going back to “the one” and re-listening and further unpacking will be priceless.
BTW – When I was first exposed to the RGs, I was taught that people have a primary/high RG but their second or third highest also influenced them. Like a prophet with a secondary RG of servant would be totally different than a Prophet with a secondary gift of teacher. - and that is what accounts for differences in people.
I am understanding now that Arthur teaches having just one. I'm chewing on that.