Foundations finely correct :}
I have just finished watching another happy ever after story. And my heart finds hope in them.
But I am a wife separated from her husband now for over a year. Married this year for over 30 years.
I married the man of mine dreams, but it was a hard married. We were both very broken people. And I knew what an amazing catch I had but did not realise my value in who I was created to be and gave in on many areas of our marriage.
Through the years of our married life, I faced the brokenness in my life, but my dear husband, never really had to do so, as I took all the blame for everything for quite a few years into our marriage. A foundation was laid and my value in the marriage was not important to him. I left, not because I wanted to but because I needed to for my mental safety.
With not laying a good foundation at the beginning of our relationship,these 12 months away from the marriage, God has been healing me and making me stronger, in knowing who He created me to be and that a lot of things I was trying to communicate in the marriage, were correct.
We have started communicating again lately and I have come to realise that the bad foundations I allowed to be laid between us, are still there in his eyes.
I have often encouraged my daughters to write out what they want in a husband. (Which was weird because I never did it myself as a teen.} But I do know what I want now as the foundation in my marriage.
It is with tears in my eyes as I write what I need as the foundation of my marriage, and that is because, I have gotten to the place were I am happy with who I am, happy to lay the boundaries out and not have anyone, walk over them, including the amazing catch of a husband i have.
And it goes for me without saying that God is the foundation of my life. My strength and my hope. My peace and friend. And that needs to be the foundation for my husband too.
My marriage is about us. Me and him. About what he wants and about what I want. It is about a relationship and working things out for a win/win. About being able to admit when you are wrong. It is not about him telling me what I am to do, or who I am. Or me to do that to him. It is not about rules but a relationship with each other.
It is about knowing who you were created to be so that when the other person is upset with you about something you did, you don't take it on as an attack of yourself, but something that needs to be worked through together.
For me, I want to know that I am number one (except for God) in his life. Am treated with honour and respect and fussed over. That I get included in every area of his life. And that he wants to know me and care for me including caring what I want. And for him to be willing to share with me what his needs are.
I don't know if theses foundation will ever come about for us to be able to get back together. Sad but fine with me, as God has been showing me how He will look after me in my old age if things do not get sorted. Because you see, I don't need him in my life. I want him in my life.